Where do I go from here?

I'm trying hard to not let my depression show, but I recently lost a job opportunity I have been working towards for several weeks now. I called the recruiter to double-check and make sure that I was fresh in their minds and that I was still in the running, and was met with the following, semi-awkward conversation:

Me: Hello (name redacted)! How's everything going over there today?

HR lady: Hi Jason! Not too bad, but I'm not going to be making your day...

Me: That doesn't sound good. Why is that?

HR lady: I spoke to our corporate office today and they've decided to go with the 'other applicant'.

Me: (Trying my hardest not to /rage) I'm sorry to hear that. I'm hoping that you guys will remember me when you have another opening, as I was looking forward to working with your company.

HR lady: Most definitely! I'm somewhat disappointed, but I have to comply with corporate's wishes.

Me: Can I ask why they chose him over me? Or is that breaking some rule I'm not aware of?

HR lady: Not at all. They told me that they picked him because he has a more recent employment history.

You can see where this is going, can't you? I bust my ass repeatedly with this freelance stuff, browse and reply to hundreds of job postings on a weekly basis, and put my name out there for any job I feel I am qualified for only to face the constant sting of rejection. I'm seriously hoping that in the very near future a company will "take a chance" and hire me, so that I might show them exactly how much of a hard-working, motivated individual I can be when given an opportunity to prove myself.

In the meantime, I'm going to continue enjoying my budding relationship with my new girlfriend and working on the freelance side to make some extra money to keep things afloat until the business world finally realizes what they're missing and hires me.

-=Workout Journal=-
I had to cut short my workout today due to an upset stomach and instead did a bit of warming up and cooling down that ultimately made me feel much better than when I arrived. I'm kind of sad my bro wasn't feeling too well either and had to jet early. Not having my workout partner there to motivate me to exhaustion was a letdown, so I'm hoping he feels better for arm/chest Monday. Get well soon bro!

20 minute sauna warm-up
20 minutes stationary bike intervals - Hill Plus Level 8
20 minutes shoulder/back warmup
20 minute sauna cool-down

Quote of the Day
You may say I'm a dreamer,
But I'm not the only one.
I hope someday you'll join us
And the world will be as one
~John Lennon 'Imagine'

The search continues!

Life for me at the moment is going in an upwardly mobile direction with no sign of stopping anytime in the near future. I've been trying my damnedest to figure out why my attempts to find a non-freelance job continue to meet with failure. I follow the instructions I'm given, I make every attempt to impress, and follow up with the best of them, yet I'm still unemployed. I find it ridiculous that after 15+ years of steady employment that I would run into setback after setback in my search to find a new job. Time to keep pounding the pavement and busting my chops as my quest for my chance to shine continues!

In other news, my relationship with Brooke endures. A shining beacon that keeps me from getting lost; a light for me in dark places, when all other lights go out. Her love pushes me to better myself and to pursue my dreams so that what we share together continues to flourish.

-=Workout Journal=-
Today started a whole new week of workouts, and being that today's was my first 'complete' workout in about a month (since before I got sick around the holidays), I am understandably in a bit of discomfort. I am however, not in pain, but merely sore due to my decision to work my self to exhaustion. Next up, my first full leg workout on Wednesday. Squats are such punishment...

20 minute sauna warm-up
20 minutes stationary bike intervals - Hill Plus Level 8
60 minutes arm/chest supersets
20 minute sauna cool-down

Quote of the Day
The toughest workout can never match the pain of being out of work.

Somebody to love

It seems that even for someone as acutely aware of their surroundings as myself, even I sometimes botch my Alertness + Perception roll so epically that I fail to recognize love when it's been hiding in plain sight all along. I'm not going to expand on it too much because the experience has only just begun, but I 'met' the most amazing girl recently and she leaves me with a silly grin on my face every time I see her. We're going to continue to see where this goes, however for the time being, I can see it only going up from here.

-=Workout Journal=-
Another day of workouts and it's already better. I have more energy and am more motivated than I have been in many months. Now to get to work on the rest of my life...

20 minute sauna warm-up
30 minutes stationary bike intervals - Hill Plus Level 8
20 minute sauna cool-down

Quote of the Day
“To the world you may be just one person, but to one person you may be the world.”

The first day of the rest of my life.

It's been far too long since I put my virtual pen to virtual paper and posted something here. 2009 has come and gone, and with it, the year that everything went topsy-turvy and nothing made sense is finally out the door. Personally, I'm glad to see it go. 2009 was not one of my best years, and in the grand scheme of things, it's probably better that I leave it out entirely. I filled my brain with plenty of new thoughts and ideas, yet many of them were left by the wayside. I languished in mediocrity; my once sterling reputation as a hard-working adult faded slowly away as I continued to discover rejection waiting around every corner in the cutthroat job market. Well I'll be damned if I'm going to continue taking it sitting down. Today I turn a new page in my life and the end result will be a book worth reading. I will no longer take no for an answer, and for those that remember the tenaciousness with which I fought before, be prepared for a whole new take on my attitude. I'm awesome dammit, and anybody that thinks otherwise can just walk away because there is no longer a place for you at my table.

-=Workout Journal=-
First day of the rest of my life. 280 pounds is far too much for me to carry on my broad-shouldered frame, and it's time I get back to the weight I want to be rather than the weight I've been saddled with due to lack of employment/apathy. So long fast food/soda/sweets/etc!

20 minute sauna warm-up
30 minutes stationary bike - Hill Plus Level 8
20 minute sauna cool-down

Next up: Tuesday cardio madness! Be there or be chubby!

Quote of the Day
I'm forever blowing bubbles,
Pretty bubbles in the air.
They fly so high,
Nearly reach the sky,
Then like my dreams,
They fade and die.
Fortune's always hiding,
I've looked everywhere,
I'm forever blowing bubbles,
Pretty bubbles in the air.

My quote of the day:

"Man, I see in fight club the strongest and smartest men who've ever lived. I see all this potential, and I see squandering. God damn it, an entire generation pumping gas, waiting tables; slaves with white collars. Advertising has us chasing cars and clothes, working jobs we hate so we can buy shit we don't need. We're the middle children of history, man. No purpose or place. We have no Great War. No Great Depression. Our Great War's a spiritual war... our Great Depression is our lives. We've all been raised on television to believe that one day we'd all be millionaires, and movie gods, and rock stars. But we won't. And we're slowly learning that fact. And we're very, very pissed off."
-Tyler Durden, Fight Club (1999)

Building a bridge...

An old man, going a lone highway,
Came, at the evening, cold and gray,
To a chasm, vast, and deep, and wide,
Through which was flowing a sullen tide.

The old man crossed in the twilight dim;
The sullen stream had no fear for him;
But he turned, when safe on the other side,
And built a bridge to span the tide.

"Old man," said a fellow pilgrim, near,
"You are wasting strength with building here;
Your journey will end with the ending day;
You never again will pass this way;
You've crossed the chasm, deep and wide-
Why build you this bridge at the evening tide?"

The builder lifted his old gray head:
"Good friend, in the path I have come," he said,
"There followeth after me today,
A youth, whose feet must pass this way.

This chasm, that has been naught to me,
To that fair-haired youth may a pitfall be.
He, too, must cross in the twilight dim;
Good friend, I am building this bridge for him."

~Will Allen Dromgoole

RIP Dad Samuel Luther Cole Jr. A great man passed this way and those whom were caught in his wake will be forever changed by it. /salute

Looking ahead to the future

I haven't posted anything on here in quite some time. It's been painful watching my life, both personally and professionally, fall by the wayside while I try unsuccessfully to climb out of the hole that I've managed to dig for myself. I've been job hunting here in Michigan for the last year and have been beat down mercilessly by the experience. I spent the better part of a decade in truck parts sales and service, and being a field I excelled in, I was content with my chosen career path. Being laid off, however, was a devastating blow to my self esteem and my confidence. I suddenly found myself wading through the complicated and oftentimes confusing world of unemployment, while simultaneously being thrust into an already shaky job market where my work ethic was called into question with each passing week of joblessness. I spent many months responding to job postings, returning calls from possible employers, and interviewing both in person and over the phone, just to be let down with each successive encounter. Waking up each morning seemed like a chore, especially when it came time to continue the job search and it's never ending string of disappointments; until today that is. I awoke this morning and decided that although I had been getting my ass kicked, metaphorically speaking, that I was no longer going to sit back on my laurels, but branch out and look for new opportunities to fulfill my hopes and dreams. It was this new found sense of belief in myself that inspired me to spread my wings and reach for the opportunities that, in the past, may have slipped through my fingers. It's absolutely necessary for me to allow the anger concerning my past employment to fade away if I have any chance of healing those wounds and reasserting my position in the world. Maybe a change of scenery is in order....